Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
