so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
