she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
