Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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