trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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