do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
