she was so not down for the gang bang
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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