Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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