16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had sex on a roof
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
