I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
