Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
