Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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