I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
