I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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