I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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