We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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