I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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