I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why do cheetos always look like penises
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
