i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
