I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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