Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
