I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
