Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
