It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
