I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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