i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize