The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
