she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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