You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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