there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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