the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
