I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
