Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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