Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
