and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
