her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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