I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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