a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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