You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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