I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize