guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
