I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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