why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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