I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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