I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They have beer where we have blood.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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