Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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