i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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