She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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