I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
