Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
