got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
