Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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