Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
