Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
