textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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