Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize