I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
