did you get engaged???
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
