If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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