Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
