My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did i walk over a car last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
