Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
