she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
