i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
