I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
