I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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