But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
