i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
