Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
