She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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