I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
