I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
