every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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