but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
