you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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