Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
