3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize